if no one else is wearing it, then for the love of the fashion gods, please wear it!

The key to building confidence and a wardrobe you're proud of involves everything but shopping the latest trends.

Micro-trend this, micro-trend that… I feel that so much of the fashion space these days is occupied by people’s unwavering desire to constantly have a finger on the pulse of what’s popular. By wearing the latest trends, people hope to signal status, wealth, and power over others. In many ways, I feel sustainable fashion and sustainable consumer practices especially have fallen by the wayside as people search for quick fixes to cravings that will never be fully satisfied.

Short attention spans and the need for immediate gratification have only been exasperated by our increased consumption of social media. As TikTok videos and Instagram reels become shorter, our patience runs thin, and we grow to always expect more in increasingly shorter periods of time. Of course, this behavior has impacted every aspect of our lives, but I have noticed the fashion industry take one of the largest hits. Fast fashion brands, instead of releasing one summer collection for the season, seem to release new “capsule” collections every week. The minute something trends on TikTok, people are already scrambling to find the next best thing. The fashion cycle has never spun so fast. There can never be a period of boredom anymore. What happened to the days of boredom when you had to fend for yourself and find something to entertain you?

Instead of taking the time and having the patience to rebuild a broken motorcycle, people are using duct tape wherever they can, hoping it will stick. In reality, this will only exacerbate the issue and cause more costly and time-consuming repairs down the line that people will not have the patience to fix, and the cycle will continue, potentially causing permanent damage to individuals and the fashion industry as a whole.

It’s like the old saying goes, “Money doesn’t buy you style or good taste. I’ve often noticed it buys the exact opposite. Having disposable income to spend on clothing opens up too many options, and it’s these infinite possibilities that completely wipe out the idea of thinking outside the box and utilizing what you have to find your personal style. Instead of creating an alternative to what people don’t have, if there is enough money in the bank account, people purchase what they want, bypassing the steps in between. Unfortunately, it is these small steps that may lead to a more refined and satisfying sense of personal style.

So many people seem to be treating their wardrobes like a patchwork quilt, throwing whatever they can against the wall, hoping it will stick but not having the needle and thread (or patience) to stitch everything together. And yet, it appears that many people’s first line of defense to present themselves as fashion-forward is to spend obscene amounts of money on clothing, shoes, and miscellaneous accessories. What frustrates me almost more than the fact that people are consciously ignoring sustainability and their fashion instincts to appease a never-ending trend cycle, is that more than half the time, people’s money is spent on fast-fashion brands. While this money goes toward temporarily suppressing the need to fit in and be considered stylish, it causes permanent damage to sustainability efforts and personal style.

Well, if money doesn’t buy style, then what does? Confidence. Confidence is the key to effortless, timeless, personal style. How does one build confidence? With time and experience. Spend time getting to know yourself. Find what brings you joy by trying new things and stepping outside of your comfort zone. Say yes more often, (within your boundaries of course!) always keep an open mind, learn a new skill, and if you enjoy it, stick with it, even if you’re terrible at it at first. Surround yourself with art, books, history, and people that make you smile and laugh until your cheeks and belly hurt. Follow your instincts instead of the influencers constantly trying to sell you the latest trends. The worst that can happen is you don’t like it and then you can return to square one.

Invest in your education and mental and physical well-being by engaging with art and people outside of your cozy bubble. Learn how to best express your emotions and practice speaking up in times of discomfort as well as immense comfort. Make an effort to step outside every once in a while and make your heart race. Lose track of time more often. Have patience but don’t sit too still. Don’t invest with money. Invest with time. Confidence will come, I promise. Maybe you’ll have to fake it sometimes, but before you know it, there it will be. You are stuck with yourself for life, so wouldn’t you rather have patience in becoming someone you are proud of than be constantly searching for missing pieces without a map? Time will pass regardless, so don’t get caught up in beating the clock. That is a race you will never win. Instead, wield time like a great sword and make every minute count.

Just remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day. Personal style is not a race, but instead, a never-ending evolution. As you grow and change, so will your fashion choices and preferences. Your clothing should be a reflection of who you are, not the other way around. The more confidence you gain, the more comfortable you will be wearing what you want. And the best part is that confidence attracts confidence and confidence inspires confidence in others. Don’t forget, for all this to work, you might have to give shopping a break and invest your time elsewhere, outside of social media. You alone hold the key to creative expression. I promise, no one is ever going to laugh at you for taking a risk and following your instincts. You might just inspire others to do the same!

Of course, I want to acknowledge that many experiences in life are dictated by privilege and financial stability. The world is wide, and yet so small at the same time and there is opportunity wherever you go. And when you step outside and escape social media and your fears, you will begin to notice all the doors just waiting to be opened.

Although fashion may seem minuscule in the grand scheme of things, those of us with more privilege than others can use fashion as a tool to amplify causes we care about and create meaningful change. There is plenty of room for everyone to be more curious and patient when it comes to fashion. Don’t rush into the newest trends. Build your wardrobe carefully and with meaning behind every garment. This is what ultimately will build confidence; when you know everything you wear has a story and is uniquely bound to you forever.

The confidence you gain through fashion only snowballs from there. With more confidence comes a stronger sense of self and ability to decipher and vocalize what you do and don’t like; in fashion and all aspects of life. This newfound power to express yourself with clothing comes with the ability to speak up and out about causes and issues you care about, and because you understand yourself better, you will know exactly where to direct your time, effort, and attention. Better yet, your effort will be genuine and lead to positive change in whatever areas you choose to focus on.

So, with all this said, wear what makes you feel the most like yourself, and if you don’t know exactly who you are right now, don’t worry, no one ever truly does. That is what makes life so interesting. Different experiences, places, and people will take you in unpredictable directions and teach you lessons you would never have guessed could be learned.

Give up the notion that life has to be perfect before you can begin living. Wear whatever you want, because I promise you everyone else is too focused on their own path toward confidence to notice. You are just a stranger to most people, a character people pass for five seconds and never see again, just as most strangers are to you. You are the only character you’ll see for the rest of your life, so get to know them the best you can and you might as well get all dressed up while you’re at it!

if you enjoyed this post, you’ll love…